This post was written by guest blogger Laura Swedler. Laura is my sister and lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and baby. Please note Laura is not a medical professional and speaks from her own experience. After sending her my previous post, her thoughts and feedback were so poignant that I asked if she would share them publically. I am so grateful for her honest and open dialogue below.
You ask if anyone cares. Do you, Lesley?
From the sounds of things, you may be starting to feel jaded or even apathetic towards suicides.
It is not just going to work itself out, especially with that attitude.
If you want to make a change within your community, MAKE A CHANGE, and you do not have to look too hard for examples of how to make it happen.
In January 2018 I was prepared to drive off a bridge. I was sitting in traffic on that bridge feeling like nothing would possibly get better. My infant son was in the back quietly snoozing, but I felt like I was on a deserted island with no hope on the horizon, so what was the point.
I didn’t drive off the bridge. I drove home, put my baby to bed, and called my doctor.
For 9 months leading up to my delivery and the 6 months after, before that commute on the bridge, I had been prepared by doctors and health coaches, news reports and social media groups, even my baby’s pediatrician, about my risk of post-partum depression (PPD). There was nothing specifically about me that made me a higher risk of PPD, it was more about that I should expect it and be ready for it when it happened — just like I would expect my belly to grow or that my baby wouldn’t sleep through the night.
So, when the depression hit, I recognized it for what it was and did not feel ashamed or concerned about receiving treatment. It was just another part of my post-partum care.
The maternity health care world has come a long way when it comes to PPD, and it has come from women and their loved ones standing up, asking for help, and acting on the help when it is offered.
Today, women and their families have at least three ways to combat PPD. First, they are being trained to 
watch for the symptoms. Second, the stigmas associated with new motherhood are being torn down. You are allowed to say, “this motherhood thing sucks, I feel like a failure, and I am not okay.” If anyone tries to bring you down or make you feel ashamed for needing help, a host of fellow moms will be right there to back you up, including even Chrissy Teigen. And third, treatment for PPD is both medical and behavioral, with no shame or judgment.
As a new or new again mom, it is expected that your body is going to be all out of control. Your hair is falling out, you have become a food source (or you haven’t, which leads to a whole other level of depression), and you are filled to the brim with hormones. Medically, you have 99 problems, and if a small dose of medicine can help level out even a few of those problems, why not take it.
On the behavioral side of things, there are a host of initiatives that are designed to support moms who are experiencing depression, from baby and me yoga classes and counselors who specialize in PPD, to the understanding of new dads and grandparents that they better give mommy a break.
After all, a healthy mommy leads to a healthy baby.
So, how can the military get to a point where the priority is a healthy soldier that will lead to a healthy veteran?
1. Talk about depression as an expectation. It’s not a matter of if you, as a soldier will suffer depression that could lead to suicide, but when you will suffer from depression will you will be ready for it? You practice putting on your chemical warfare suits and get anthrax injections, why not add depression preparedness to your arsenal. Beyond mandatory training videos, but actual proactive therapy and/or group discussions.
2. Own your depression, so it doesn’t own you. Your military service does not mean you are above or “stronger” than depression. Talk about how you feel. You are not going to get any help if you tell people or think, “You weren’t there. You don’t know what it was like.”
Sure, I didn’t go to war, but I have a lot of great resources and experience with getting treated for depression. Better yet, try talking to a counselor, doctor, therapist, priest, yogi master, or whoever. They too may not have gone to war, but they do know how to help someone through depression and I bet they have had other patients with trauma (domestic, sexual, physical) and will have an experience that will relate to your depression.
3. Treat it as both a physical and behavioral condition. Just because you are depressed, it doesn’t mean it is all in your head. You have been physically strained, whether it was muscular-skeletal problems from wearing body armor, breathing in toxic air, or getting shot, blown-up, or experiencing head trauma. Or the physical hormones you’ve elevated in your body due to longterm stress. These physical symptoms can lead to problems and those problems can lead to depression.
Taking medication to treat that depression should be no different than the physical therapy you get for an injury.
Changes in your veteran and military community are going to have to come from within in order to make a difference and make them stick. We ordinary American friends have a lot going on in our lives, but if you ask us for help and accept it when it is given, we will always be there for our military and veterans.
****If you or someone you know needs help and/or has feelings of suicide, please call/text/chat one of the below helplines for immediate care and assistance.****
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 24 hours a day 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1
or Text 838255 (24 Hour Chat is also available on their website)
Military OneSource: Call 24 hours a day 1-800-342-9647
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
